Now that we've already discussed my skimpy credits as a professional freelance writer, let's have a look at some of my failed attempts. My sporadic Unfinished And Abandoned series covers projects I never finished (or, in some cases, never really started); these, on the other hand, are pieces I submitted somewhere as either proposals or completed works, only to suffer the pain of rejection. Yeah--just like high school. We'll start today with the one market I tried and failed to break into more than any other:
DC Comics
DC Comics was my first and most prevailing missed target as a would-be writer. My first attempt to break in at The Line Of Superstars was a handwritten Batman story, about which I remember nearly nothing. I began writing it while at my cousin's wedding reception, probably around '73 or so, maybe '74 at the latest. The only detail I can recall of the story (other than the fact that it was simply awful) was that it was set in Syracuse, as The Batman had traveled here from Gotham to consult with local police regarding the shooting death of a city teenager. That part was based on a true story at the time, though apparently the Syracuse Police Department wasn't really able to enlist Batman's help. Stupid real world. I finished "writing" it, and mailed it off to the good folks at DC. I don't believe I even received a rejection slip.
Roughly concurrent to that--perhaps even in the same mailing--I also concocted a handwritten story for the Shazam! comic book, starring the original Captain Marvel. The story may or may not have co-starred Plastic Man; as a reader and fan, I know I wanted these two lighter-hearted heroes to meet, but I don't recall if ol' Plas made an appearance in my Captain Marvel mini-epic. The story itself concerned Captain Marvel's arch nemesis Dr. Sivana devising a way for his equally-evil son Sivana, Junior to become the super-powered villain Captain Sivana. Just as Billy Batson's magic word "SHAZAM!" transformed the young Batson into Captain Marvel, Sivana, Junior's shouted "SIVANA!" changed him into Captain Sivana. Hero and villain fought to a standstill, until Captain Marvel suddenly veered off and challenged his evil foe to follow him to Savannah, Georgia to continue the fight; confused, Captain Sivana repeated, "Savannah, Geor...?!" and instantly changed back into mortal form. Savannah is a homophone for Sivana. I am so damned clever. Captain Marvel zipped back, slapped a gag on Junior, and carted the lot of those miscreants off to the hoosegow. The folks at DC were speechless. I never heard back on this one either.
Around 1975 (I think), I tried again, this time with a full script. Typewritten, too! "The Overtime Crimefighter!" showed a typical day (and night) in the busy life of The Batman. I think I still have this one somewhere. I don't remember much of it, other than Batman systematically dismantling my fictional version of the Symbionese Liberation Army, the group that had kidnapped and brainwashed heiress Patty Hearst. I am nothing if not topical. Of course, "topical" ain't quite the same as "not terrible," and "The Overtime Crimefighter!" earned me a form-letter rejection.
But I would not be deterred! I was far too oblivious for that. My friend Mike DeAngelo was a very good artist, and I thought we could collaborate professionally. I worked up another complete Batman script, "Nightmare Ressurection!" It was a sequel to a classic Batman story from 1966, "Death Knocks Three Times!," reviving a villain called Death-Man, unseen since his one and only appearance in Batman # 180 in '66. My story was grim, frenetic, and nonsensical. Not even Mike's art samples could save this from rejection.
The team-up that will never be: Captain Infinity and The Batman |
I tried a few more times with DC in the '80s. I submitted a plot treatment for another new character, Lawman, designed to be the resident, non-powered local hero in a crime-ridden urban neighborhood. Lawman was meant to be a superhero version of a neighborhood watch program, with one guy playing the role of masked hero, backed up by a small network of friends and allies determined to take their city blocks back from the thugs and ne'er-do-wells. I also submitted treatments for a couple of existing DC properties. One of these was a story about Green Arrow, stuck on monitor duty aboard the Justice League's satellite, dealing unexpectedly with an attack from Mala, an obscure Kryptonian bad guy whom Superman defeated in the '50s. Another was a Justice League story called "The Trial Of Dr. Light!," which would have introduced a new supervillain group called The Predators. My memory of The Predators is sketchy, but I know I intended them to be a team that worked together like the good guys would, without the back-biting and betrayal that characterized most groups of honorless thieves. One of The Predators was named The Miracle Worker, and his schtick was a device used to tap into other dimensions, including a solid dimension that allowed him to create floating chunks of dense matter upon which he could effectively walk on air. The female Predator Deathsong, who was The Miracle Worker's beloved sister, was able to destroy people, property, even planets with her singing--kinda like Mariah Carey. There were two more members of The Predators, but I remember nothing else beyond the fact that it was all very, very '80s, and DC rightly passed on the lot.
DEATHSONG! Her music will kill you. |
That was 1985, and it was the last I heard from DC. But it's as close as I ever came to achieving my dream of writing for DC Comics.
(I did write one more complete story using DC characters, a pulp short story starring The Batman and Aquaman. I never submitted it to DC, but I like it a lot, and never tire of pointing folks in its direction: The Undersea World Of Mr. Freeze.)
WHEN "REJECTION ACCEPTED" RETURNS: We'll have a look at my failed submissions to Playboy, Marvel Comics, The Magazine Of Fantasy And Science Fiction, Marion Zimmer Bradley's Sword And Sorceress, Amazing Heroes, The Comics Buyer's Guide, The Buffalo News' Gusto, a book proposal for Krause Publications, Music Club Records, and The Syracuse New Times. Some of these have already been covered in separate articles, but we'll pull 'em all together for a definitive resume of my failures. I'm a loooooooooser! I'm a looooo-ooooooser...!
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