VIRTUAL TICKET STUB GALLERY Snapshots: Opening Acts, Part 2 [Buffalo Edition]

Virtual Ticket Stub Gallery revisits my memories of acts I've seen live. A previous sidebar edition looked at some of the opening acts. Let's do that again.



I've written quite a bit about my life in Buffalo, 1982-1987, most notably in my extended narrative "The Road To Goldmine." Today, we'll look back at some opening acts I saw during my time in the Queen City.

THE LUMENS



The Lumens were a Buffalo band playing bars in the early to mid '80s. I saw them a few times, though I don't remember if I ever saw them when they weren't opening for somebody else. I don't mean to imply they weren't memorable, because I liked 'em just fine at the time. The Lumens opened for The Ramones at least once, at a South Buffalo bar called The Rooftop; The Rooftop actually DBA'd under a few different names during my time in Buffalo, but The Rooftop is the only name I remember. I'm pretty sure The Rooftop was the only place where I ever saw The Lumens. I really remember only four other things about the group: they had a puerile original song called "KY," they covered "Rockaway Beach" (though, of course, they didn't do that one when they shared a bill with the actual Ramones), and the group's members shared the "Lumen" stage surname. The fourth thing? Well, the drum solo, of course! The group would announce that drummer Tim Lumen was about to do his solo. Tim would light a cigarette, take a drag, then nonchalantly tap each component of his kit once or twice, maybe do a lackluster roll, and hit the cymbal to conclude his solo. TIM LUMEN!, the leader would cry, as if we'd just seen the second coming of Keith Moon. That, my friends, is rock 'n' roll.

THE RIDDLERS



The Riddlers opened for The Bangles at The Continental in...'84? '85? The Bangles were touring in support of their debut full-length album All Over The Place, a record which I just adored (and still do). They were still something of an underground group at the time, which is why they played at the punk/new wave/new music/nom du joir bar The Continental rather than a higher-profile venue. Like The Lumens, The Riddlers were another local bar band, albeit perhaps a bit more pop-centric in approach. I recall one fab original song called "Coke Bottle Glasses," and I regret that I never got around to seeing them again.

SHERIFF 



Is it possible for something to be exceedingly generic? No? I don't care. The description applies to Sheriff, a Toronto group that looked and sounded like every other arena wannabe in the '80s. Boring. Sheriff opened for The Kinks at The Aud circa 1984, and I couldn't stand them. It was also the least-interesting of the three Kinks shows I witnessed, though even in a soulless hockey auditorium they were still, y'know, THE KINKS!! Sheriff may have been the second-worst opening act I've ever endured. Who was the worst? Well, that would be:

THE FORGOTTEN REBELS



Poseurs. I swear it's a coincidence that the two lamest opening acts I ever saw both came from Canada. Why couldn't I have seen Teenage Head instead, or The Diodes, or The Pointed Sticks? Or, like, The 'B' Girls, who were good-looking and sounded great. But no, I was stuck with friggin' Sheriff and then The Forgotten Rebels, who opened for an almost-as-lame incarnation of The Clash at the University Of Buffalo stop on the latter's Mick Jones-free Cut The Crap tour. The Clash weren't quite The Clash without Jones, but at least I got to see Joe Strummer and Paul Simonon; there was no upside to the empty clang and false swagger of The Forgotten Rebels.

SHEILA E



I feel so fortunate to have been able to see Prince & the Revolution on their Purple Rain tour in 1984. Unfortunately, our seats at The Aud for this one were awful, afflicted by limited visibility and muffled acoustics. Still awesome nonetheless. Sheila E opened, and she was cute, sexy, and in absolute control. I don't remember whether or not she also joined the Revolution during Prince's set, though my hunch is that she did. Many years later, Sheila E was in Ringo Starr's All-Starr Band when I attended Ringo's press conference in Rama, Ontario in 2003. She was still cute, sexy, and in control. That's the value of a glamorous life.

THE REDUCERS



I once read a description of The Reducers as "Connecticut's answer to The Ramones." The tag isn't accurate, but they were such a cool group, and The Reducers' rock 'n' roll travelogue "Let's Go" just might be The Greatest Record Ever Made. Don't know it?! Well, we need to remedy that:

The Reducers opened for The Ramones at an outdoor show at Buffalo State around '85. Opening for The Ramones is a thankless task, but The Reducers stood their ground and surrendered not an inch. The very notion of an outdoor Ramones show seems an anomaly, a crime against science, a mutant aberration. Great night, though. And anomaly or not, there were two outdoor Ramones shows at Buff State, separated by about a year. The opening act for the other show?

GREEN JELLÖ/THE KENMORE DOLLS



One could likely make a case that I should consider the willfully inept Green Jellö alongside Sheriff and The Forgotten Rebels in my Opening Act Hall O' Shame. Wrong!! I wasn't generally a fan, but the lads in Green Jellö sure looked like they were having a good ol' time when they opened for The Ramones at Buff State, and especially when they opened for the legendary Johnny Thunders at The Continental in 1986. For the latter show, Green Jellö changed its name for one night only to The Kenmore Dolls, mixing their suburban stomping grounds in Kenmore with our Johnny's old group The New York Dolls. They were terrible by any technical consideration, but entertaining as hell. I think they covered the Dolls' "Personality Crisis," and may have even completed the song without inflicting any serious damage. They tried to pull off another Dolls cover--probably "Vietnamese Baby"--but gave up on it almost immediately because they didn't know how the song was supposed to go. I mean, not just forgotten lyrics, but no clue to the song's structure other than its distinctive opening guitar riff. And they tried it anyway, on stage! Balls, man. Gotta give it to The Kenmore Dolls for that. The joke had worn thin 'n' threadbare by the time a later edition--re-named Green Jellÿ because lawsuits--hit MTV with the grating alt-hit "Three Little Pigs."


That concludes this Buffalo edition of Virtual Ticket Stub Gallery Snapshots. We'll return to the subject eventually to re-live opening sets from Velvet Elvis, Wang Chung, Exile, "Weird" Al Yankovic, The Replacements, Ray Paul, and Mary Lou Lord.



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