Path to a blackout

I had a friend whom I met online. We were friends for quite some time, each offering the other encouragement and comfort when it was appropriate. We even met once in real life, had an in-person blast, and remained friends for years thereafter.

We were far apart politically, with me taking up my position on the left. Our differences troubled me a little, but they were not so wide that we couldn't continue our friendship. That was what I thought at the time anyway.

Then it got worse. Maybe it was always that bad and I didn't notice it before. My friend and my friend's friends shared an increasingly toxic, malignant view of the world. I tried to engage in dialogue, to seek light, and I was unsuccessful. When my friend insisted to me (in all seriousness) that the white race was under an all-out attack, I was aghast at the depth and vitriol of such absurd, awful right-wing paranoia. I looked into the abyss and turned away. I could not stomach being friends any longer.

I felt bad. When we were friends, I'd been the recipient of favors and good will, and my radio show This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio benefited greatly from this friendship. But there was no choice. I did not say goodbye. I was just done.

Ending an on-line friendship is easy, except for the parts that aren't easy. My memories and my gratitude haven't changed. I can't re-write the past, nor do I want to. I also can't look the other way and pretend racism, sexism, and homophobia are remotely acceptable. I'm sorry, but I hold my friends to a higher standard than that, and I hope they hold me to that same standard.

I thought of my ex-friend this week. I can't say with any authority, I guess, but in my gut I'm certain that the horror and disgust I feel in the wake of George Floyd's murder by cop is something my former comrade does not feel. Call it peace or call it treason, call it love or call it reason. And call it a path to a blackout. Friends no more, and never again.

Black lives matter. You can disagree, but you're wrong, and history will judge you even more harshly than I do. And you ain't no friend of mine.