If Bygones Were Bygones (And Books And Bridges Didn't Burn)

Many years ago, I had a friend whom I'll refer to here as Julie. If you've known me for a very long time, and you think you know who Julie really is, I'll say you're probably wrong. Julie's true identity doesn't matter anyway. But Julie was one of my best friends. We had similar tastes in music, and generally had a good time around each other, times of camaraderie and beer, parties, youthful exuberance. Julie could be moody at times, subject to the familiar, warring emotions of depression and delight. In spite of that, I don't recall Julie and I ever really having an argument or a fight, none that my consciousness can call forth all these decades later.

Until we did have a fight. And we came to a definite parting of the ways.

It happens, even among friends, even among best friends. There was regret on both sides, I think, but there was no chance of reconciliation. We said goodbye. There may have been tears--there were tears--and we have not seen each other since. Decades have passed. We will likely never see each other again, and likely never have any further communication. I don't wish to discuss the details. Like the song says: we used to be friends, a long time ago.

We did speak one time after that. For the sake of closure, I called Julie on the phone one night. Julie had been drinking, and Julie was surprised to hear from me. It was a pleasant call nonetheless, or at least it was as pleasant as a farewell phone call can be. Closure. One side can't undo, one side can't forgive, and neither side can forget. We will never speak again. At this point, I don't want to anymore.

I remember better times. I wrote this passage a long time ago, inspired by my memories of Julie, and of two other close friends who used to be integral parts of my life; I lost all three of them along the way. It happens. It hurts, but it happens. These words I wrote linger in my memory. They've appeared before on the blog, and I repeat them now:

Sometimes in my dreams, we still talk to each other
Although in real life I know we're done with one another
I don't think I'd want you to return
I'd just feel better if I could learn
What became of you
Because I remember you

Godspeed, Julie. I don't think I'd want you to return. But I wish you well, wherever you are.

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