When I was a college student in Brockport, NY in the late '70s, the coolest TV show around was Saturday Night Live. Nothing else even came close. The popularity of that show's recurring Coneheads skits prompted the local Liftbridge Bookstore to hold a Coneheads Night one Saturday evening, with prizes and frivolity galore. The festivities included a prize to be awarded to whomever could answer the featured trivia question: How many Coneheads can dance on the head of a pin?
And the answer, of course: An infinite number, as long as they take turns.
I haven't thought much about the Coneheads over the past four decades, but I've certainly thought a lot about rock 'n' roll and pop music during that time. And I've thought about the answer to that '70s-era Coneheads quiz, and I've hijacked it for my own use. No offense to the Coneheads, but the idea of an infinite number of fabulous things each taking individual turns to dance seems inherently better suited for 45s and LP tracks than to extraterrestrial visitors who claimed to be from France.
I developed a theory, which became a strongly-held conviction, carved in stone over the course of countless beverages and virtual jukebox sessions. The Greatest Record Ever Made. By definition, there could only be one Greatest Record Ever Made, because ya can't qualify an absolute. But man, those of us who really, really love pop music love so many different records, each with sincere and passionate fervor. It's not just the drinks that make us shout out That's my JAM!! when a beloved tune plays. It's belief, pure and joyous. If we say the same thing about a different song a few spins later, we weren't lying the first time, and we're not being fickle as we adjust our allegiance. We're living inside the music we love. Sure, there could only be one greatest record ever made. But what if that meant there could only be one at a time?
Yeah. Yeah!
It was so obvious yet so profound I shoulda trademarked it or something. An infinite number of records can be the greatest record ever made, as long as they take turns. And they've gotta take turns--they're records! That's what records do! The open-ended nature of pop obsession encourages believers to proclaim the glory of one great song as it plays, for it is indeed not just the greatest song, but the only song in all of the world, for as long as its short running time. Maybe we'll play it again, right now. Or maybe another one of the infinite great records is due its own fleeting yet immortal turn as The Greatest.
This used to be just a phrase my co-host Dana Bonn and I used on our weekly radio show This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio with Dana & Carl. Initially, I think it was applied to Big Star's "September Gurls," then to Eddie & the Hot Rods' "Do Anything You Wanna Do." It was, in our way, the precursor of Little Steven's "Coolest Song In The World" on Little Steven's Underground Garage. We'd banter about it, joke about it, but we always took it seriously. We always meant it.
When I started my blog Boppin' (Like The Hip Folks Do), my friend Dave Murray encouraged me to write about this GREM concept, of an infinite number yadda yadda as long as they take turns. Desperate for content to fill a daily blog, I took Dave's advice and began an ongoing GREM series with a celebration of Badfinger's "Baby Blue." I established an early ground rule that I had to remain sincere with each GREM, that each tune had to be something I felt was worthy of the honor. No challenge there! With my short attention span, there's never any shortage of fantastic rockin' pop nuggets that can occupy the entirety of my consciousness for 3:10 or whatever, and there's never any shortage of equally fantastic plastic awaiting its duly-appointed turn. Sublime! And infinite.
The Greatest Record Ever Made has been a rewarding series to write, as each entry allows me an opportunity to delve into a seemingly (and fittingly) infinite path to explore the sounds that move my soul. Whether it's Chuck Berry dreaming of the promised land while serving a jail sentence or The Knickerbockers effectively becoming Beatles '65 on a song called "Lies," these are wonderful chances for me to dissect and discover what I love about great records, without ever once relinquishing my appreciation of the sheer, mysterious magic that made 'em all great records to begin with. "Great" records? Scratch that--greatest. THE greatest, each one, in its own turn.
So here's a collection of essays about The Greatest Record Ever Made. There is no attempt at objectivity. Why in God's name would anyone ever wanna be objective about pop music? That's no fun. It's more fun to enjoy the tunes, to obsess, to revel, to puff up with proud conviction, and proclaim, THIS is the greatest! Right here. Right now. Turn it up. It's your turn now.
TOMORROW: DISCLAIMERS AND DECLARATIONS (A User's Guide To The Greatest Record Ever Made)
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Our new compilation CD This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio, Volume 4 is now available from Kool Kat Musik! 29 tracks of irresistible rockin' pop, starring Pop Co-Op, Ray Paul, Circe Link & Christian Nesmith, Vegas With Randolph Featuring Lannie Flowers, The Slapbacks, P. Hux, Irene Peña, Michael Oliver & the Sacred Band Featuring Dave Merritt, The Rubinoos, Stepford Knives, The Grip Weeds, Popdudes, Ronnie Dark, The Flashcubes,Chris von Sneidern, The Bottle Kids, 1.4.5., The Smithereens, Paul Collins' Beat, The Hit Squad, The Rulers, The Legal Matters, Maura & the Bright Lights, Lisa Mychols, and Mr. Encrypto & the Cyphers. You gotta have it, so order it here. A digital download version (minus The Smithereens' track) is also available from Futureman Records.
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