THE GREATEST RECORD EVER MADE! (VOLUME ONE): A User's Guide

This is the 1500th post at Boppin' (Like The Hip Folks Do).

Here is the Disclaimers And Declarations section from my forthcoming book The Greatest Record Ever Made! (Volume 1). I posted an earlier version some time back, but it seems like time to share it in its current state. As always: an infinite number of songs can each be THE greatest record ever made, as long as they take turns.



DISCLAIMERS AND DECLARATIONS [A User's Guide To The Greatest Record Ever Made! (Volume 1)]

WARNING: As you read through the following pages, it is possible that you will disagree with something that I've written.

However, let me assure you that you will not see anything here that was intended as deliberately provocative. Man, I hate the very idea of writing something just to seem edgy or rabble-rousing. That ain't me. These are all opinions, but I mean everything I say, even when I'm waxing rhapsodic over some regularly-reviled act like KISS. The whole book is designed as my side of the friendly arguments we might have over a few beers, coffees, and/or Coca-Colas, each of us proclaiming a steadfast faith that this record--this song!--is The Greatest Record Ever Made. You may counter with something I don't like, something by Van Halen or REO Speedwagon, and I'll fix you in my coldest, most withering glance; you'll shrug that off, just like I ignore your misguided belief that I can't possibly be serious when I say I love The Bay City Rollers. We'll bicker, we'll laugh, we'll toast, and we'll play the music we love. That's how it oughtta be. 



For context, especially considering the fact that many of these entries will relate specifically to my life and my experiences, please allow me to introduce myself. I was born in 1960, and I grew up in the suburbs of Syracuse during the heyday of Beatlemania. I had older siblings, so I was exposed from an early age to every great song an AM radio or a jukebox or a box of 45s had to offer. As a teenager in the '70s, I determined that I wanted to know more about the music I loved, going back to the '50s and '60s, moving forward into '70s punk and beyond. I eventually started freelancing for a great music publication called Goldmine from 1986 to 2006, and since the end of 1998 I've been co-hosting the weekly radio show This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio with Dana & Carl. In 2016, I started a daily blog called Boppin' (Like The Hip Folks Do), a mostly music- and comics-related outlet where a few of these GREM! pieces first saw the light of day. I've got the music in me. I can neither sing nor play, but I have enthusiasm, and both the will and the ability to tell you about the music I love.



Musician and radio host Larry Hoyt recently asked this open question: What makes a great song great? I answered:

It boils down to one thing for me: the hook. That's kinda like saying you like your favorite food because it tastes good, but nonetheless, it's the hook. Whether a guitar riff (The Kinks' "You Really Got Me"), an irresistible chorus (The Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop"), a lyric that conveys heartbreak ("I loved you...well, never mind" in Big Star's "September Gurls"), and some records--"The Tears Of A Clown" by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles, "Beg, Borrow & Steal" by The Rare Breed, a number of Beatles faves--where the entirety of the track is immediate and absolute, the hook is what makes it. Whatever the hook happens to be. It's difficult to dissect--ever try to tell a stranger about rock 'n' roll?--but it's what keeps me playing my pop music loud 'n' proud.

We don't fall in love because it makes sense to fall; we fall because we fall, and then we hope for the best. It works that way for our pop music, too.




This specific disclaimer is worth highlighting in bold and all-caps: THIS IS NOT INTENDED AS AN EXHAUSTIVE LIST OF THE BEST RECORDS EVER MADE! Jesus, no! The chapters in this book cover a number of popular and personal favorites, but it's nowhere near comprehensive, and it's not meant to be. It's a discussion and a celebration of pop's infinite promise--nothing more, nothing less. With a base list of 100 songs, and supplemental cheats to expand the total number of songs under discussion--a bonus track here, an encore there--we manage to gather 113 individual claims of The Greatest Record Ever Made! while clinging to the illusion of a Hot 100. And the book could have still been much, much longer.

No Animals were harmed in the making of this book. 

Hell, this isn't even a list of my all-time Top O' The Pops. I mean, not even close. There's no study here of, say, "A Million Miles Away" by The Plimsouls, "It's My Life" by The Animals, or "Five O'Clock World" by The Vogues, three of my perennial Fave Raves. There's no Edwin Starr, no English Beat, no Ronettes (nor any Phil Spector production, nor Ronnie Spector & the E Street Band), and only a passing reference to "May My Heart Be Cast Into Stone" by The Toys. "Starry Eyes" by The Records gets mentioned twice, but doesn't get its own entry because I had to stop somewhere. There's no Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich. I didn't get to The Velvelettes, The Hoodoo Gurus, The Avengers, The Contours, The Young Rascals, The Lovin' Spoonful, Television, The Creation, Tavares, Big Brother & the Holding Company, Del Shannon, The Stems, Anny Celsi, Amy Rigby, Josie & the Pussycats, The Temptations, The Lollipop Shoppe, Toots & the Maytals, Judas Priest (no, really!), The Police, Juice Newton, and...well, it's a long and worthy list. But I did write about a lot of fantastic tracks. These are the 113 great records I was moved to put under the GREM! spotlight for essay and exultation this time around. Always remember the mantra: an infinite number, as long as they take turns.



Most who read this book will encounter some unfamiliar songs alongside your Led Zeppelin and Wilson Pickett. Nothing was chosen for deliberate obscurity, or in some misguided effort to maintain my hipster cred. Trust me: I ain't got no hipster cred. But being a happy pop fan is a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the Rickenbacker way. There will always be more songs to discover, old and new. If you're intrigued by something described in The Greatest Record Ever Made! (Volume 1), I encourage you to hunt down more of its story. The information's out there, the song itself is out there. Find it. Listen to it. Cherish it. And finally, BUY IT! Streaming it doesn't count. Music is your best entertainment value. Open up the ol' wallet. It's worth it.

The chapters are sequenced without regard for chronology, and with little regard for genre. Great records don't care what year it is, and classic Top 40 radio taught me that different styles of pop music sound better mixed together. I wish more current radio formats understood that.



When I was writing for Goldmine, editor Jeff Tamarkin told his freelancers that anyone with half a brain understands this is all opinion anyway; just make sure you can back it up, and make sure you can tell the story in an interesting manner. That's always been my goal, even as my writing style has evolved into something more personal. I hope Jeff would approve, and I hope you dig much of what you're about to read. Yes, even though you might disagree with some of it.

So set up a round, and turn up the sound. A few of those infinite turns are nearly at hand.

Current proposed Table Of Contents for The Greatest Record Ever Made! (Volume 1) is posted here.



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Fans of pop music will want to check out Waterloo Sunset--Benefit For This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio, a new pop compilation benefiting SPARK! Syracuse, the home of This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio with Dana & Carl. TIR'N'RR Allstars--Steve Stoeckel, Bruce Gordon, Joel Tinnel, Stacy Carson, Eytan Mirsky, Teresa Cowles, Dan Pavelich, Irene Peña, Keith Klingensmith, and Rich Firestone--offer a fantastic new version of The Kinks' classic "Waterloo Sunset." That's supplemented by eleven more tracks (plus a hidden bonus track), including previously-unreleased gems from The Click Beetles, Eytan Mirsky, Pop Co-Op, Irene Peña, Michael Slawter (covering The Posies), and The Anderson Council (covering XTC), a new remix of "Infinite Soul" by The Grip Weeds, and familiar TIRnRR Fave Raves by Vegas With Randolph, Gretchen's Wheel, The Armoires, and Pacific Soul Ltd. Oh, and that mystery bonus track? It's exquisite. You need this. You're buying it from Futureman.

(And you can still get our 2017 compilation This Is Rock 'n' Roll Radio, Volume 4, on CD from Kool Kat Musik and as a download from Futureman Records.)

Hey, Carl's writin' a book! The Greatest Record Ever Made! (Volume 1) will contain 100 essays (and then some) about 100 tracks, plus two bonus instrumentals, each one of 'em THE greatest record ever made. An infinite number of records can each be the greatest record ever made, as long as they take turns. Updated initial information can be seen here: THE GREATEST RECORD EVER MADE! (Volume 1).