Movies In My Mind is a celebration of films that don't exist, never existed, and were never planned. This is fiction.
My idea for
Jukebox Express began as a random thought when I was watching the terrific
Amazon Prime series
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, which is set in 1958. After I saw actress
Jane Lynch's portrayal of a fictional comic named Sophie Lennon, my mind wandered somehow to the idea of Lennon meeting Troy Chesterfield, a fictional actor played by
Peter Scolari in
That Thing You Do! From there, my imagination started to cobble together the idea of bringing together various fictional thespians and show people for a fictional project. It had to take place in 1958 to include Sophie Lennon (because I don't know what, if anything, the creators of
Mrs. Maisel have in store for her), so I had to think what other figures I could place into that specific timeline. The rest just snapped into place, and this make-believe rock 'n' roll movie
Jukebox Express was duly fabricated.
I hope this is something that reads well, and is entertaining even if you don't know all of the references. Nonetheless, here is a guide to all of those references.
REAL PEOPLE AND THINGS: I tried to populate
Jukebox Express with an almost entirely fictional cast of characters, but circumstances prompted the use of a few real-life figures.
Orson Welles,
The Beatles,
Gus Grissom,
Gina Lollobrigida, and
Lenny Bruce are/were real people.
The Ku Klux Klan is an actual group of Nazi assholes.
The Batman and
Kid Colt, Outlaw are genuine properties about fictional characters (as opposed to fictional properties about fictional characters, like
The Gray Ghost), though neither of the film incarnations referenced here ever existed. I made up the titles for all of
Mallory's books, usually trying to come up with something that linked each book to some previously-established bit involving each of his subjects (like the
Howard Stark bio that lifts its title,
A Cool Exec With A Heart Of Steel, from the theme song to the 1960s cartoon series about Howard's son,
Iron Man.)
Everything else in
Jukebox Express is a pre-existing property. Let's meet 'em all, in order of their appearance within the text.
SOPHIE LENNON: Beloved late '50s blue-collar comedienne played by Jane Lynch in the TV series
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
ORSON WELLES' THE BATMAN: A fan film trailer, available on YouTube last time I checked, imagining what would have happened if film auteur (and former voice of
The Shadow on radio) Orson Welles had made a
noir Batman movie in the '40s. I originally had a reference to
Jerry Lewis' unseen film
The Day The Clown Cried in this spot, then decided I didn't want to use a real film, just an imaginary one.
THE BEATLES in Up Against It!: This one is a bit more real than the other references. According to Wikipedia: In 1967,
Joe Orton was hired by
A Hard Day's Night/
Help! producer
Walter Shenson to write a script for a new Beatles film. The script,
Up Against It!, drew upon an earlier script by
Owen Holder. The film, of course, was never made.
 |
| Max Allan Collins |
MALLORY: Max Allan Collins is one of my favorite novelists, and mystery writer Mallory was the star of a short series of Collins' books (including
A Shroud For Aquarius, the first Collins novel I ever read). I don't remember whether or not Collins ever specified Mallory's first name; everyone usually called him Mal or Mallory.
ROCKET MEDIA: All me. I couldn't think of a fictional publisher to use for Mallory's book about
Jukebox Express, so I figured I'd just use the (presumably?) evil media conglomerate from my own unfinished novel
Eternity Man!
ROSCOE KANE: Mallory's idol, a hard-boiled mystery writer in the tradition of
Mickey Spillane, featured in Collins' novel
Kill Your Darlings.
CLAY WASHBURN: Pulp magazine writer whose career was chronicled in the comic book series
Wordsmith by
Dave Darrigo and
R. G. Taylor.
BOBBY FLEET AND HIS BAND WITH A BEAT: Hard-travelin' jivesters who passed through Mayberry, North Carolina on three episodes of
The Andy Griffith Show. That third appearance was billed as
Freddy Fleet instead of Bobby, a continuity error that occurred because nobody cared about frivolous things like continuity; retcons presume that Freddy Fleet was Bobby's brother.
THE GRAY GHOST: Superhero TV show with elements of
The Shadow and
The Green Hornet. Flashbacks on
Batman: The Animated Series revealed that young
Bruce Wayne was a big fan of the character.
JENNY BLAKE: Actress girlfriend (played by
Jennifer Connelly) of
Cliff Secord in
Disney's version of
Dave Stevens' great comic book
The Rocketeer. In the comics, the character's name was Betty, inspired by iconic pinup model
Bettie Page.
HOWARD STARK: Tony Stark's dad in
Iron Man comics and films. The Stark of
Jukebox Express is the version seen in the
Marvel cinematic universe, particularly in
Marvel's Agent Carter. That series showed Stark as a movie producer, adapting the cowboy comic book
Kid Colt, Outlaw as a theatrical release.
GINGER GRANT: The movie star stranded on
Gilligan's Island, played with irresistibly sultry appeal by
Tina Louise. "
Kirby Lee," Grant's character in
Jukebox Express, is named (for no real reason) after legendary comics creators
Jack Kirby and
Stan Lee; the other names used by characters in the film--
Archibald Toby,
Rocco "Death" Manzetti,
Rose "Mama" Mammamia,
Cupcake O'Hara,
Danny Mammamia, and
Whizzy Matthews--are just names I made up and used because I thought they sounded good.
GEORGE McFLY: Marty McFly's sci-fi author father, played by
Crispin Glover in
Back To The Future.
ALAN BRADY, BUDDY SORRELL, AND SALLY ROGERS: The star and 2/3 of the writing staff from
The Alan Brady Show, as seen on
The Dick Van Dyke Show. If
Rob Petrie was on Brady's payroll at the time of
Jukebox Express, it's presumed that he was not available to help with this script.
TONY MILLER: Music publicist played by
Tom Ewell opposite
Jayne Mansfield in the first great rock 'n' roll movie, 1956's
The Girl Can't Help It.
CARL DENHAM: The film director and showman who brings a giant ape from Skull Island to New York City in
King Kong.
LEATHER TUSCADERO: Anachronistic female rock 'n' roller played by my girl
Suzi Quatro on the anachronistic '50s-set TV series
Happy Days.
DASH RIPROCK, MAMMOTH STUDIOS: Dash (played by
Larry Pennell) was the Mammoth Studios movie star infatuated with
Ellie Mae Clampett on several episodes of
The Beverly Hillbillies. The "Dash Riprock" name was also used on
The Flintstones.
TROY CHESTERFIELD: Actor Troy Chesterfield (
Peter Scolari) introduces teen sensations
The Wonders for their appearance on the variety show
The Hollywood Television Showcase in the greatest movie ever made,
That Thing You Do! On the show, real-life astronaut
Gus Grissom (played by
Bryan Cranston) makes joking reference to Chesterfield's recent film work with Italian sex symbol Gina Lollobrigida
as "out of this world!" The film's title wasn't mentioned, so I figured we'd call it
Out Of This World! Terry Legend, the character Chesterfield played on the TV show
The Vindicators, is just a fake name I've used for occasional detective/adventure parodies since I was in high school. I will inevitably use it again.
THE PURPLE AVENGER: TV superhero (played by
Dom DeLuise) favored by the kids on the sitcom
Please Don't Eat The Daisies.
MR. DOWNTOWN: TV drama starring
Play-Tone recording artist
Freddy Frederickson in
That Thing You Do!
PLEASANTVILLE: '50 sitcom that was the subject of the same-titled film starring
Tobey Maguire.
INVITATION TO LOVE: Long-running soap opera mentioned on
Twin Peaks.
CAPTAIN SPACEMAN: The most obscure reference here (other than Rocket Media).
Captain Spaceman was a '50s space opera TV show created for the short comic book story "Captain Spaceman Will Be Waiting!," written by
Dan Mishkin and
Gary Cohn. A tribute to the late actor
Al Hodge, who played the lead on the real-life popular TV show
Captain Video And His Video Rangers, the story appeared in
DC Comics'
Weird War Tales # 123 in 1983.
THE $99,000 ANSWER: Ralph Kramden appeared as a guest on this game show in an episode of
The Honeymooners.
THE VINDICATORS: A silly technicality like, y'know, never actually existing didn't stop this made-up TV show from having its own theme song. "Theme From 'The Vindicators'" appeared on
The Fleshtones' 1980 EP
Up-Front.
JOANIE JANZ, THE WOLFGIRL MEETS THE VAMPIRE IN THE OLD WEST: Actress Joanie Janz was working on this movie when she encountered songwriting hopeful
Mike Nesmith in the "I've Got A Little Song Here" episode of
The Monkees.
JESSICA FLETCHER'S THE MESSENGERS OF MIDNIGHT: Mystery writer Jessica Fletcher (
Angela Lansbury) was the lead character on TV's
Murder, She Wrote.
The Messengers Of Midnight was listed on Wikipedia among Fletcher's novels.
BLOOD ON THE BADGE: Book written by Detective
Ron Harris (
Ron Glass) on TV's
Barney Miller.
STAN "KING" KAISER: Wonderful caricature of
Sid Caesar on
Your Show Of Shows, portrayed by
Joseph Bologna in
My Favorite Year.
SIMON BRIMMER: Oozingly obnoxious radio detective played by
John Hillerman in the '70s TV series
Ellery Queen.
TERRY EMBROSE: Dancer played by
Claire Bloom in the
Charles Chaplin film
Limelight.
KATHY SELDEN: Debbie Reynolds was adorable as actress Selden in
Singin' In The Rain.
CHRISTINE MARLOWE: Actress played by
Lucille Ball in the
Marx Brothers movie
Room Service.
LARRY DAVIS: Famous radio comic who is secretly the superhero
Funnyman. Conceived by
Superman's creators
Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, the Daffy Daredevil starred in six issues of his own comic book in the '40s.
LUCKY DAY: Silent film cowboy star played by
Steve Martin in
Three Amigos!
SIMON TRENT: The luckless actor whose career dies after he's typecast from his role as the TV superhero The Gray Ghost. Voiced by former TV Batman
Adam West on
Batman: The Animated Series, one presumes the role of Trent had particular resonance for West.
ASHLEY ST. IVES: Sexpot porn star played by
Edy Williams in the
Roger Ebert-written
Russ Meyer film
Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls.
JOHNNY FEVER: DJ played by
Howard Hesseman on
WKRP In Cincinnati. Fever might have been a tiny bit too young to have already been a working DJ in 1958--Hesseman himself would have been about 18 at the time--but let's presume he was a real go-getter. After posting
Jukebox Express, it occurred to me that I could have also linked Fever to the original
Captain Marvel by identifying our Johnny as a DJ for
WHIZ, the radio station that employed Captain Marvel's alter ego, boy broadcaster
Billy Batson.
SVEN HELSTROM & THE SWEDISH RHYTHM KINGS: Lawrence Welk clones featured in the pilot episode of
The Monkees.
RICKY RICARDO: Cuban bandleader played by
Desi Arnaz on
I Love Lucy.
Of course his wife Lucy tried to be included in
Jukebox Express.
CONRAD BIRDIE: Elvis Presley parody in the play and film
Bye Bye Birdie.
DANNY FISHER: Rocker played by the real Elvis in
King Creole.
THE CRY-BABY COMBO: Johnny Depp's band from the
John Waters film
Cry-Baby.
OTIS DAY & THE KNIGHTS: A fictional band that sort of became a real band, playing live dates after being created for the landmark slob comedy
Animal House.
I had a few other references pencilled in, but decided to exclude them. My original thought was to discuss a bit of what happened to these people after
Jukebox Express, including Ginger Grant's unplanned exile on an uncharted Pacific island and eventual rescue and return to show business. Troy Chesterfield would have later been linked romantically with country singer
Althea Anderson, a dissipated diva played by porn star
Lisa De Leeuw in the
Marilyn Chambers movie
Up 'n' Coming. One of the young rock 'n' roll fans who managed to see
Jukebox Express in its short theatrical run would have been
Reggie Mantle, later to become bassist for
The Archies. Mantle would go on to be a vocal fan of the film, and owner of one of the very few known prints of the film. As a record producer, Mantle would browbeat the hard rock group
Spinal Tap into covering Leather Tuscadero's title song from
Jukebox Express on their own Mantle-produced
Shark Sandwich LP. Ultimately, it seemed best to halt the narrative at the film's box office failure, so the rest of those stories will remain untold.
So once again, as Kirby Lee says when she and Leather Tuscadero pause in kissing Archibald Toby at the conclusion of
Jukebox Express: "And
that's the end!"
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